Things that make me scream.

Another guest post by Henry

by Henry W.

Things that make me scream:

Pie that is moldy and bad (I like pie)
Huge loops and 100 foot drops on roller coasters
A test
Homework
No T.V.
Losing a fight with the Ice Climbers
Losing a fight with Peach and Zelda
Fighting Master Hand (and losing)
Getting attacked by a wolf
Those are the things that MAKE ME SCREAM.

Where I'm From (A Guest Post by Henry)

Where I'm From

by Henry

I am from my fish's bowl and a lot of water and small pebbles
I am from the upstairs living room and kitchen
I am from the downstairs office and bedrooms where I sleep at night and where I relax

I am from my piano that I play from day to night
I am from my bike that I ride all the time
I am from Monopoly where I buy Boardwalk and Times Square

I am from my moped riding up the street at 15 mph
I am from watching the Matrix series watching Neo fly
I am from my lizard Bullet, watching him eat crickets
I am from the Battle of the Labyrinth watching Percy Jackson walking through the Labyrinth

I am from Boomers playing a 3 minute song on medium Guitar Hero arcade
I am from LIFE, schooling my Dad and leaving him in the dust

I am from those moments
Snapped before I budded.
A leaf, fallen from the family tree

I can play Malagueña with one hand tied behind my back...

Guest appearance by Henry

Don't forget to wear sunscreen.

In which it is established that I am genetically programmed to be a hippie.

I was adopted. And it was obvious to me at a young age, that I didn’t fit into the family that adopted me. Without any genetic or family information myself, even as a little kid, I found myself a bit confused and fascinated by genetics and nature vs. nurture debates. I felt like a ship without a port for 30 years.

Then I found my bio family. One of the first real relatives I ever met, was my Uncle Jim. My birth-mother’s brother. He lived in San Francisco and ran an alternative health business out of his house. He was funny and spiritual and artistic and loving and cosmic. He kept a journal and drew, and opened his life and home to everyone. He lived and taught and loved to the fullest. We connected from the moment we met, in a way I had not experienced connection before. I adored him. It was because of him, I finally collected, understood and owned an actual piece of myself. Because of him, I know, that I was genetically pre-programmed to be a free spirit. I am a happy, peace loving, free spirited hippie. And I am claiming it! It is not all that I am. I am not defined by what I found, but I understand that part of myself better now and I can embrace the hippie in me.




Last week, Uncle Jimmy passed away. A small memorial was held for him in his “cosmic kitchen.” A celebration of his life with the MANY friends he had, will be sometime in the next few weeks and I will be there. In the meantime, I am posting some pictures that will surely show what kind of man he was. My beautiful Uncle Jimmy. My cosmic, genetic connection to who I really am. Goodbye Uncle. Tell my birth mother you got to know me on this earth. You will be missed!

Jim Karnstedt passed away peacefully, surrounded by loving friends and family July 10 at the age of 63 following a sudden illness. Born in Minneapolis, MN, he lived in San Francisco since 1969. He was a healer and educator, sharing his wealth of information through lectures, video and his business, Ion & Light. Jim touched many lives with his generosity and his enchanting spirit. He was loved by all who knew him. A celebration of his life will be held soon in San Francisco.

In honor of Billy Mays...

Kaboom! Your Oxi is clean and your Orange Glo's…
This story previously posted here, is being re-posted in honor of our favorite guy Billy Mays who died yesterday. We are heartbroken.

(TRUE STORY!)

When Henry was a tiny infant, barely able to raise his head, I remember being completely amazed at his reaction to infomercials (adverts as he calls them.) This little half Brit baby had no interest in Pat the Postman, Bob the Builder or even Black Adder (my favorite.) Nor could I convince him to even look up for a second at Sesame Street, Barney or Teletubbies, but Billy Mays got him every time.

A peddler, pitchman, trafficker of cleaning products made Henry look up and watch with eyes wide open for the full 2 minutes every single time he came on the telly. That Billy Mays was better at creating a sense of urgency than Elmo or the Cookie Monster.

And apparently, get it NOW, really stuck with Henry.

A conversation with Henry the other night (in 2007) while I was working on the computer and he was watching Nickelodeon.

H: (Running down the hall) Mummy, Mummy, you have to let me get on the computer RIGHT NOW!
M: I am working Hen, what is so important?
H: I have to sign up TODAY for Westwood College’s Online Program.
M: What College? You’re 7? What are you talking about?
H: Mummy, they said on Nickelodeon that I can go online to learn to animate and design video games. I have idea’s and I want to design one NOW. Go to the website NOW please. Right NOW please. NOW OK? NOW, please Mummy.
M: OK, let’s go see what it says. (There was no way he was going to let me finish my work until I went there and checked it out.)
M: Sorry Henry, it says here that you have to graduate from High School to take these classes. You are only in 1st grade.
H: It’s OK. YOU went to college. Pretend it’s you signing up and I will take the classes… or how ‘bout you sign up and learn how to do it, and then you can teach me. Do it Mummy! At least ask for more information NOW.

I sent in an online request for more information that night with Henry looking over my shoulder, directing me as to what to ask. How long does it take? How much does it cost? How old do you have to be? Do you really have to graduate from HS before you can learn?
He came to me 3 times Sunday night asking me to check my email to see if they had answered yet and he directed me Monday morning to keep checking email while he was in school, just in case they answered.

I have gotten 3 hard sell phone calls, from admission advisors since then, asking me when I want to start Westwood College of Game Art and Design. The program costs $70,000. And it takes 3 years. At that rate he wouldn’t be able to design a game until he was in 4th grade.

I gave Hen the bad news… I told him that it was way too expensive I didn’t have that kind of money right now.

He went away (dreams crushed) for about 5 minutes then came running down the hall again…

H: Mummy, Mummy, do you have any scrap gold? We could sell it for cash! I just saw an advert on Nickelodeon about how to get fast cash for your scrap gold to make extra money for anything you want. And if you go to www.goldkit.com you can get a FREE gold kit to send in your teeth today. And shipping is free! Then you can afford to go to college again.

Do it Mummy won’t you please? NOW?

Thank you Billy! You will be missed.

Some Fatherly Advice.

FATHER: All a girl needs to know to get by in life, is written on the top of a mayonnaise jar.

DAUGHTER: Really? Refrigerate After Opening????

FATHER: No, in my day mayo jars always said: Keep Cool. Don't Freeze.

Ride More. Talk less. Or why my son has a broken collarbone.

Wreckless Films 06-07 Preview

Please don't be a GAYCIST!

From the Courage Campaign website:

On December 19, 2008, Ken Starr and the Prop 8 Legal Defense Fund filed legal briefs defending the constitutionality of Prop 8 and seeking to nullify the marriages of 18,000 devoted same-sex couples solemnized before Prop 8 passed.

The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments in this case on March 5, with a decision expected within 90 days. Ask that the Court enforce the equality promised to each of us by our constitution and invalidate Prop 8.

Please click here and sign the petition: Courage Campaign Petition

Snowboarding: America's most dangerous outdoor activity

I read in the paper just a few days ago that more people are hurt snowboarding than any other outdoor activity, accounting for a quarter of emergency room visits.
Then I got the call. "Mom I am in the emergency room, they say I need surgery."

Here is the story. In living color. (GORE ALERT)

The boys. And the hill. (Or should I say cliff?)






The result:





The cutting: (Yep these are really Anthony)



The drilling and screwing:



The drugs:



Look. I am bionic. Better than I was before. When can I snowboard again?



ME: (see my hairgetting grayer?)

I am $9,300,000.00 richer today.

What is wrong with me? I want to reply to the poor fellow and fix his grammar so he gets better results.


OFFICE OF THE PRESIDENCY
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.
ATTENTION:BENEFICIARY, (That's ME!)

THIS IS TO OFFICIALLY INFORM YOU THAT WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE FILE AND FOUND OUT THAT WHY YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT FUFILLED THE OBLIGATIONS GIVEN TO YOU IN RESPECT OF YOUR CONTRACT/INHERITANCE PAYMENT.

SECONDLY WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU ARE STILL DEALING WITH THE NONE OFFICIALS IN THE BANK ALL YOUR ATTEMPT TO SECURE THE RELEASE OF THE FUND TO YOU. WE WISH TO ADVISE YOU THAT SUCH AN ILLEGAL ACT LIKE THIS HAVE TO STOP IF YOU WISHES TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT SINCE WE HAVE DECIDED TO BRING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM.

RIGHT NOW WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTER ASIA PACIFIC, THAT IS THE LATEST INSTRUCTION FROM OUR NEW PRESIDENT,UMARU MUSA YAR'ADUA (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.(Well at least he got the Presidents name right!) THIS CARD CENTER WILL SEND YOU AN (INTERNATIONAL ATM CARD) WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR MONEY IN ANY ATM MACHINE OF YOUR CHOICE IN ANY PART OF THE WORLD, BUT THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT TO WITHDRAW PER DAY IS FIVE THOUSAND FIVE UNITED STATES DOLLARS ($5,500.00) SO IF YOU LIKE TO RECEIVE YOUR FUND IN THIS WAY,PLEASE LET US KNOW BY CONTACTING OUR ATM PAYMENT DEPARTMENT AND ALSO SEND THE FOLLOWING INFORMATION AS LISTED BELOW.

1.FULL NAME:
2.ADDRESS WHERE YOU WANT YOUR ATM SWIFT CARD TO BE SENT: (Don't you need my bank account number too?)
3.PHONE AND FAX NUMBER:
4.YOUR AGE AND CURRENT OCCUPATION:
5.ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION: (Will my passport do?)
6.COUNTRY/STATE:

HOWEVER, KINDLY CONTACT OUR ATM PAYMENT SETLEMENT DEPARTMENT ON THEIR BELOW INFORMATION FOR IMMEDIATE RECEIVE YOUR ATM PAYMENT CARD.
REV. DR MARK BECKER OKOH, (A reverend AND a Doctor? He must be a wonderful guy!)
ATM PAYMENT SETLEMENT DEPARTMENT
MOBILE: +234-70924 458 27
EMAIL: atmcardpayment.centerdept811@googlemail.com

THE ATM CARD PAYMENT CENTER HAS BEEN MANDATED TO ISSUE OUT $9,300,000.00 AS PART PAYMENT FOR THIS FISCAL YEAR 2009. ALSO FOR YOUR INFORMATION,YOU HAVE TO STOP ANY FURTHER COMMINUCATION WITH ANY OTHER PERSON(s) OR OFFICE(s) TO AVOID ANY HITCHES IN RECEIVING YOUR PAYMENT.

NOTE:THAT BECAUSE OF IMPOSTORS, WE HEREBY ISSUED YOU OUR CODE OF CONDUCT,WHICH IS (ATM-811) SO YOU HAVE TO INDICATE THIS CODE WHEN CONTACTING THE CARD CENTER BY USING IT AS YOUR SUBJECT. (I have a code of Conduct? Cool!)

REGARDS,
MR.SADIQ ALMAN
CHIEF AUDITOR TO THE PRESIDENT
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA.

Santa was pleased with Henry this year!

Many households have a festive Christmas Eve tradition that involves leaving some liquid refreshment by the fireplace for Santa to enjoy when he visits during the night. But domestic goddess that I am not-so-much... I didn't make any cookies this year and as usual I was out of milk... so we left carrots and a beer.
Santa, jolly, grateful fella that he is.. rewarded Henry with a gift that made him run with scissors to open the box.




You see, Henry emailed me about 3 weeks before Christmas with a link to the only thing he wanted this year. A Lego Death Star with all the characters. And he kept checking the Lego website everyday until a few days before Christmas when he sadly saw that they had SOLD OUT. We looked on eBay and Amazon and Googled everywhere to find one, but we could only find sellers who were gouging little kids for $500 bucks apiece, so we gave up. ;-)

And then a box appeared under the tree...





Henry thinks we should leave Santa a beer or two next year and ask for an Xbox 360, a plasma TV for his room and Hellboy the video game. What do you think?

Henry's 1st Piano Recital

I sure do love you Henry.
Thanks for the video Cheri!

"So I be written in the Book of Love."

FULL TEXT. READ THIS. LISTEN TO THIS. DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.

Finally tonight as promised, a Special Comment on the passage, last week, of Proposition Eight in California, which rescinded the right of same-sex couples to marry, and tilted the balance on this issue, from coast to coast.

Some parameters, as preface. This isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics, and this isn't really just about Prop-8. And I don't have a personal investment in this: I'm not gay, I had to strain to think of one member of even my very extended family who is, I have no personal stories of close friends or colleagues fighting the prejudice that still pervades their lives.

And yet to me this vote is horrible. Horrible. Because this isn't about yelling, and this isn't about politics.
This is about the... human heart, and if that sounds corny, so be it.

If you voted for this Proposition or support those who did or the sentiment they expressed, I have some questions, because, truly, I do not... understand. Why does this matter to you? What is it to you? In a time of impermanence and fly-by-night relationships, these people over here want the same chance at permanence and happiness that is your option. They don't want to deny you yours. They don't want to take anything away from you. They want what you want -- a chance to be a little less alone in the world.

Only now you are saying to them -- no. You can't have it on these terms. Maybe something similar. If they behave. If they don't cause too much trouble. You'll even give them all the same legal rights -- even as you're taking away the legal right, which they already had. A world around them, still anchored in love and marriage, and you are saying, no, you can't marry. What if somebody passed a law that said you couldn't marry?

I keep hearing this term "re-defining" marriage.

If this country hadn't re-defined marriage, black people still couldn't marry white people. Sixteen states had laws on the books which made that illegal... in 1967. 1967.

The parents of the President-Elect of the United States couldn't have married in nearly one third of the states of the country their son grew up to lead. But it's worse than that. If this country had not "re-defined" marriage, some black people still couldn't marry...black people. It is one of the most overlooked and cruelest parts of our sad story of slavery. Marriages were not legally recognized, if the people were slaves. Since slaves were property, they could not legally be husband and wife, or mother and child. Their marriage vows were different: not "Until Death, Do You Part," but "Until Death or Distance, Do You Part." Marriages among slaves were not legally recognized.

You know, just like marriages today in California are not legally recognized, if the people are... gay.

And uncountable in our history are the number of men and women, forced by society into marrying the opposite sex, in sham marriages, or marriages of convenience, or just marriages of not knowing -- centuries of men and women who have lived their lives in shame and unhappiness, and who have, through a lie to themselves or others, broken countless other lives, of spouses and children... All because we said a man couldn't marry another man, or a woman couldn't marry another woman. The sanctity of marriage. How many marriages like that have there been and how on earth do they increase the "sanctity" of marriage rather than render the term, meaningless?

What is this, to you? Nobody is asking you to embrace their expression of love. But don't you, as human beings, have to embrace... that love? The world is barren enough.

It is stacked against love, and against hope, and against those very few and precious emotions that enable us to go forward. Your marriage only stands a 50-50 chance of lasting, no matter how much you feel and how hard you work.

And here are people overjoyed at the prospect of just that chance, and that work, just for the hope of having that feeling. With so much hate in the world, with so much meaningless division, and people pitted against people for no good reason, this is what your religion tells you to do? With your experience of life and this world and all its sadnesses, this is what your conscience tells you to do?

With your knowledge that life, with endless vigor, seems to tilt the playing field on which we all live, in favor of unhappiness and hate... this is what your heart tells you to do? You want to sanctify marriage? You want to honor your God and the universal love you believe he represents? Then Spread happiness -- this tiny, symbolic, semantical grain of happiness -- share it with all those who seek it. Quote me anything from your religious leader or book of choice telling you to stand against this. And then tell me how you can believe both that statement and another statement, another one which reads only "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

You are asked now, by your country, and perhaps by your creator, to stand on one side or another. You are asked now to stand, not on a question of politics, not on a question of religion, not on a question of gay or straight. You are asked now to stand, on a question of...love. All you need do is stand, and let the tiny ember of love meet its own fate. You don't have to help it, you don't have it applaud it, you don't have to fight for it. Just don't put it out. Just don't extinguish it. Because while it may at first look like that love is between two people you don't know and you don't understand and maybe you don't even want to know...It is, in fact, the ember of your love, for your fellow **person...

Just because this is the only world we have. And the other guy counts, too.

This is the second time in ten days I find myself concluding by turning to, of all things, the closing plea for mercy by Clarence Darrow in a murder trial.

But what he said, fits what is really at the heart of this:

"I was reading last night of the aspiration of the old Persian poet, Omar-Khayyam," he told the judge.

"It appealed to me as the highest that I can vision. I wish it was in my heart, and I wish it was in the hearts of all:

"So I be written in the Book of Love;

"I do not care about that Book above.

"Erase my name, or write it as you will,

"So I be written in the Book of Love."

Good night, and good luck.

Putting the scale of our American Consumerism into perspective

I recently ran across an art project called Running the Numbers, by Chris Jordan, which visually examines the vast measures of consumerism in our society, in large intricately detailed photographs. For me, who does not have a natural math brain, statistics feel abstract and anesthetizing, making them difficult to connect with. These large photographs are joined together from thousands of smaller photographs, putting our wasteful consumerism into visual perspective.

Collectively we are committing a massive act of destruction, but in our individual anonymity, no one is accountable for the consequences. I am appalled by these scenes, and yet also drawn into them. I am not finger wagging either because I am guilty as sin of being wasteful.

Depicts two million plastic beverage bottles, the number used in the US every five minutes.


Partial zoom:


Detail:


Depicts 426,000 cell phones, equal to the number of cell phones retired in the US every DAY.


Partial zoom:


Detail:



Depicts 1.14 million brown paper supermarket bags, the number used in the US every hour.


Partial zoom:


Detail:


Depicts 106,000 aluminum cans, the number used in the US every thirty seconds.


Partial zoom:


Detail:


Depicts 60,000 plastic bags, the number used in the US every five seconds.


Partial zoom:


Detail at actual size:

Where there's a smoker... there's a fire.

Remember that old lover I found a few months ago on Google?
You know, the one that said my middle of the night phone call that night "re-lit the pilot light in his basement?" Well I had no idea that furnace burned THIS hot.
Click to watch the video.
He is the guy firefighters refer to as "someone."
Sigh.

Trish's Deal of the Week!

Rather than Wordless Wednesday I am starting Pimping Wednesday, which will also be known as Trish's Deal of the Week. Since this is my 1st one, I will pimp myself. New plugs will be added weekly so if you have a product you make or something think your fellow bloggers will like, email me the details and I will post it.

Trish's 1st Deal of the Week!
I have opened up 2 Cafe Press Shops for fellow blog-addicts and their subjects.
One shop is here with items such as this :


and this:

and this:


or even this:


I opened also opened a shop here with clothing that say's this:


Requested by Jenn and inspired by Cheri (and all the smart subjects of your blogs)

Part 2 - Deal of the Week
While I am pimping myself, let me say that I will also custom design any slogan on any shirt, bumper sticker, mouse pad, you name it. I will open up a store and post your items and when they sell, I will share profits with you. Let's face it we all could use a way to make a couple extra bucks.

Action Item. Tag. Meme.
Consider yourself tagged. Please submit your ideas for next week's Deal of the Week. It can be something you sell or something you found on the web that you love. Just let us know and we will pimp it!
Starting next week.

Amazing Grace on the black keys

Mutha of the Year?

Seriously? I heard that Lindsey Lohan's Mom Dina, got a Mother of the Year award from The Long Island Mothers of Celebrities. Umm seriously? Is somebody on that committee smoking crack? snorting crack? shooting it? about to re-enter re-hab? I guess it could have been worse. Lynn Spears? Joan Crawford? Andrea Yates? (inside joke: evilina? the hairless cat?)

Let's vote for a REAL 2008 Mother of the Year.
I vote for Jamie at Choosing my Own. I will award blog-bling to whomever gets the most votes.

Come on, let's start a mutha love-fest complete with stories. Please tell yours.

You can help even if you don't know Nate Berkus...

This family needs attention. Click here to read why. Then please post the story on your blog or email it to friends. The Universe thanks you.

Winner Wednesday

Henry and I ran 22 names through our Daniel Boone model random name picking transmogrifier and the lucky WINNER of Trish's T-Shirt Giveaway...Drum Roll Please...

is Jenn@Juggling Life.

I will be posting more after her custom Mommy Blogger t-shirt is designed.

Congratulations Jenn!

To Sleep: Perchance to Dream

Most nights I find myself wound up so tight that I have a hard time sleeping. A nice cocktail or glass of wine (or 3) is just what the doctor ordered to let some air out of my tires before I go to bed. A little liquid yoga. But then the sugar metabolizes (or whatever) and I am wide awake at 3AM. I've tried the OTC sleeping aides but then I can't get myself awake for 3 days afterwards. I've used melatonin once (or, more accurately, misused it), and it gave me horrid dreams about tornados and axes (so I gave the bottle to my ex-husband.)

I am asking the question.... How do YOU unwind after a long day of wife-ing, working and mommy-ing?

Do you do resort to this?
Or this?

Or this?

Or this?

or something else? What works for you?

(Jamie feel free to answer even though we already know on especially rough days you have confessed your cure is liquid yoga. I guess the grape doesn't fall far from the vine.)