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Monday, June 29, 2009

In honor of Billy Mays...


Kaboom! Your Oxi is clean and your Orange Glo's…
This story previously posted here, is being re-posted in honor of our favorite guy Billy Mays who died yesterday. We are heartbroken.

(TRUE STORY!)

When Henry was a tiny infant, barely able to raise his head, I remember being completely amazed at his reaction to infomercials (adverts as he calls them.) This little half Brit baby had no interest in Pat the Postman, Bob the Builder or even Black Adder (my favorite.) Nor could I convince him to even look up for a second at Sesame Street, Barney or Teletubbies, but Billy Mays got him every time.

A peddler, pitchman, trafficker of cleaning products made Henry look up and watch with eyes wide open for the full 2 minutes every single time he came on the telly. That Billy Mays was better at creating a sense of urgency than Elmo or the Cookie Monster.

And apparently, get it NOW, really stuck with Henry.

A conversation with Henry the other night (in 2007) while I was working on the computer and he was watching Nickelodeon.

H: (Running down the hall) Mummy, Mummy, you have to let me get on the computer RIGHT NOW!
M: I am working Hen, what is so important?
H: I have to sign up TODAY for Westwood College’s Online Program.
M: What College? You’re 7? What are you talking about?
H: Mummy, they said on Nickelodeon that I can go online to learn to animate and design video games. I have idea’s and I want to design one NOW. Go to the website NOW please. Right NOW please. NOW OK? NOW, please Mummy.
M: OK, let’s go see what it says. (There was no way he was going to let me finish my work until I went there and checked it out.)
M: Sorry Henry, it says here that you have to graduate from High School to take these classes. You are only in 1st grade.
H: It’s OK. YOU went to college. Pretend it’s you signing up and I will take the classes… or how ‘bout you sign up and learn how to do it, and then you can teach me. Do it Mummy! At least ask for more information NOW.

I sent in an online request for more information that night with Henry looking over my shoulder, directing me as to what to ask. How long does it take? How much does it cost? How old do you have to be? Do you really have to graduate from HS before you can learn?
He came to me 3 times Sunday night asking me to check my email to see if they had answered yet and he directed me Monday morning to keep checking email while he was in school, just in case they answered.

I have gotten 3 hard sell phone calls, from admission advisors since then, asking me when I want to start Westwood College of Game Art and Design. The program costs $70,000. And it takes 3 years. At that rate he wouldn’t be able to design a game until he was in 4th grade.

I gave Hen the bad news… I told him that it was way too expensive I didn’t have that kind of money right now.

He went away (dreams crushed) for about 5 minutes then came running down the hall again…

H: Mummy, Mummy, do you have any scrap gold? We could sell it for cash! I just saw an advert on Nickelodeon about how to get fast cash for your scrap gold to make extra money for anything you want. And if you go to www.goldkit.com you can get a FREE gold kit to send in your teeth today. And shipping is free! Then you can afford to go to college again.

Do it Mummy won’t you please? NOW?

Thank you Billy! You will be missed.

4 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

You found your inner blogger!!!

I love it!!!

I love Henry.

Also? Laura tried very hard to talk me into buying a ShamWow the last time we were at Target.

katydidnot said...

omg. that's the funniest thing i've read in a long time. i can totally see him, hair flying, running down the hall to start pawning your gold and diamond jewelry.

my first grader had the opposite reaction to billy mays. anytime he'd come on tv, he'd go MAMA! THAT LOUD GUY'S ON TV! IT'S THAT LOUD GUY! OH GOD!

just jamie said...

I love that kid.

And, dude, Mom, you can write!

dkuroiwa said...

I feel so lonely that I never really saw Billy Mays 'in action'. Wait...I take that back..I think I might have seen him once, but....he was dubbed in Japanese and it really wasn't quite the same.

Henry? He's smart beyond his years. I can't wait to meet him. I hope he's not too cool for my doofballs!

Nickelodeon? Are they pressed for sponors? never thought of something like that being hawked over there.