Off to a land of frozen dead guys...

We are on vacation this week in the land of frozen dead guys and burned out hippies that have been kicked out of Boulder (this according to the Urban Dictionary). Why you may ask? I planned on blogging about that very subject while I was there, but when I called the owner of the cabin we are renting, to ask if they "by any chance (fingers crossed) had WIRELESS internet connectivity in the cabin?" The manager laughed at me and said... "Honey we don't even have TVs in the cabins. If you are coming HERE, we want you reading books, hiking, fishing and reconnecting with your family. If you need to use the internet THAT bad, you can march your butt down to the library and use the one there, like everyone else."

I guess you won't hear from us until we get back from fishin' and skinning bears or whatever.

Interview with a fish

CARLSBAD - Deb Betta, is the happiest anyone has seen her in a while. In her betta world, where men are usually the pretty, happy ones, Deb is a truly colorful, cheery little dish lately. She has good reason now that she is rambling around in her Mac-mansion completely unharassed and male-free. Don't get this girl wrong, she likes boys, it's just that her former betrothed was starting to take her for granted and even chase her around a bit too much. He was promptly put into time-out to think about his recent behaviour. She loves him, but with all this time to think, she has made a big decision.

In an interview today, Ms. Betta had this to say. "I realized that I wasn't really the marrying type," said Deb. "I'm very independent. I just had too many things I wanted to do. Call me happily unmarried, that suits me just fine. Now, I don't feel the tug of having to pay attention to somebody else and meet their needs when I would frankly, rather just watch TV. I may let him come back someday, if he promises to stop chasing me around like a 2 dollar you-know-what."

A visit to Napolean's temporary new digs found him cheerily working away on a bubble nest. A big one too. Mr. Betta, aka Napoleon the Randy, seems to have a knack for blowing big foamy bubble nests which are used to support betta eggs during the breeding process. A bubble nest is a sign of good health and also that the male betta desires to spawn. Napoleon declined to comment but his agent released this statement "Mr. Betta is fully expecting a reunion with Deb, and a good foamy bubble nest is always a good move. Whether Deb comes back or not he is happy to have found a fulfilling new calling."

Nope, not a blue apple pie.

Last night in Cheri's blog I was actually called a SAINT, just for taking care of Laura's 2 betta fish (Napoleon and Deb) and 2 butterfly's while they are on holiday. I am fairly certain that I will never be called a saint again (although my mother would have liked for me to be called a NUN) so I feel a strong desire to live up to the saint moniker for once in my life.

Some saint. One of the little butterfly's has already passed away (I am going straight to hell) and the darned betta fish were not getting along with each other. Seems, the male was a bit randy and would not leave poor little Deb alone. He chased her behind the pump and there she stayed protecting her chastity until I could rescue her. Far be it for me, to be responsible for Deb becoming an unwed mother so I sent her to a nunnery and Napoleon the Randy, to an Apple pie.



Oh and did I mention my cat is utterly fascinated with the 2 new "aquariums". Last night I used a combination of water gun technology and primitive throwing shit technology to keep her away from them. Tonight I have a better plan. Blue tape is really handy for so many things but I think I may have found the cat-proofing-my- former-trifle-bowl-for-the-sake-of-the-fish cure. Got the idea from the apple pie I consumed at a friends birthday party Sunday. Do you think I went overboard?

Definitely Metro!

And I am just fine with that, except he is using MY Aveda mask.

Thanking a higher power

Monday, August 14, 2006
Thanking a higher power
Well, I negotiated the best I could and got a raise and promotion...and 5 phone calls from Daddy, crying about how much he misses HER (see previous post) and saying that he went to one of HER friends houses at 4 AM today and tried to talk him into flying a helicopter into where ever she is in Arizona to get her back. (She is with a biker guy named CHET!) Thankfully the friend has been sober for 30 years and talked him out of it.

He also wants to quit his job and start a business he asked me to help him do it. He is going to sell his house in London, go to Al-Anon and start this business, get his life together so SHE will have something good to come back to. Then he is going to go get her and do whatever it takes to support her and keep her here and away from CHET the biker/druggie who has guns. He talked to her ex-husband who informed her that he was just about to agree to some visitation of her kids but now, there is no way in hell she is seeing them again.

Luckily he seems to recognize that he is not very stable right now and he let me take Henry home with me in spite of it being a "Daddy Day". I will thank a higher power for small miracles. I can sleep tonight.

P.S. In case you don't read the comments - here is what my brilliant daughter said:

Whoa!

Here's how I see it, no matter how screwed up he is YOU WILL NEVER AGAIN BE MARRIED TO HIM. Therefore, you need not be married to his ideology, or lack thereof. You're sorry he has relationship problems, sorrier for yourself that he came to you with them, but you don't owe him the right to use you as a springboard for his emotions. Not for free at least, that's what shrinks are for.

You once loved him, and in a way you always will, but DIFFERENTLY. You love him because he's fathering your child, not tending to YOUR heart. Your snot and tear wiping partnership ended when the marriage did. It's up to the adults now to navigate a healthy path for Henry.

Having said that...we know he's not much of an adult. So as usual, the burden falls he heavily upon you. But you're no stranger to that and, in fact, burn brighter when someone tries to throw water on you.

Keep burning Demi!

Doing the best I can to channel Demi Moore!

Sunday, August 13, 2006
Doing the best I can to channel Demi Moore!

Apparently my ex, Henry's Dad has fallen in love with a girl who is an alchoholic/drug addict (recovering?).

Saturday he called me numerous times asking me to come over right away When I got there, my normally well-groomed ex husband was standing in his driveway legless, greasy and unshaven and quaking. He scared the shit out of me because I thought someone had died or something had happened to Henry. He was nearly having a breakdown. He got in my car and was WAILING, snot and tears streaming down his face, hysterical (for 45 minutes) that she had left him, screaming that he loves her and he was not gonna be able to survive without her. He was crying so hard he almost couldn't talk. The story flushed out that he had fallen for a girl 9 months ago who had a lot of "problems" including losing custody and visitation of her 3 kids her job and her car and had no place other than a couch at a friends to sleep. Frank took her in and helped her go to school to learn massage therapy. He picked her up and dropped her off and took care of her, and was apparently happy to have someone to come home to. He said that she had changed him and that he had become a better person and that he loved her gentle, spiritual side (he is an atheist) and could not go on with out her.

"Frank the Butcher" nicknamed partly because he has a reputation as a cold, mostly emotionless man. A product of a crappy childhood in which his mother left him at a tender age.

Long story short, SHE (previously referred to as Meth-faced in earlier blogs) had been sober for a year but has apparently and suddenly fallen off-the-wagon, left him and gone to be with an old (drinking and drugging) boyfriend in Arizona. HE was absolutely beside himself. He hasn't eaten or slept for 4 days. He is such a mess as I have NEVER seen. Channeling my best Demi Moore (because she and Bruce Willis get along so well for the sake of the kids) I tried my best to comfort him and reasure him while also telling him to get himself to Al-Anon ASAP. I am pretty sure she will be back and I want him to be prepared for the inevitable roller coaster and MOST OF ALL NOT involve Henry in it. I feel weird (and really hurt) that I am the one he came to tell about how hopelessly besotten he is with HER. I want to RIP on her right now but in the interest of my Karma my lips are semi-sealed.

I have met her a few times and did not like her from the start... but I tried VERY hard to be polite and decent to her. I am doing the best to channel Demi while also being protective of my son and my feelings. I am not liking this right now. I think I need to channel the Dali Lama.

Friday's Child just turned the big 3-0!

My Friday's child IS loving and giving and she just turned 30! My one and only daughter. Born in 1976 - the bicentennial year, when I was barely on the edge of being able to sign a legally binding contract. 18 was a pivotal year for me. I had a tiny, beautiful, Leo daughter on a Friday in a military hospital in Lawton, Oklahoma. None of my family was there (whine, whine - not!) as they did not approve of my tender maternal age. I wouldn't sucumb to family pressure to put her up for adoption and they made sure I felt a little extra sting for my choice. What no one planned on (except me of course, I knew she would be perfect) was jamie becoming the prized child (and grandchild) in the family. She is the one who grew up and did every single thing right. She is Rory and I am Lorelai. We are almost the Gilmore girls. She is amazing and now she is 30.

My 30th brought me some incredible gifts that I will blog about later. To keep you (hopefully) coming back for more, I will start a little drip campaign beginning with the fact that I was adopted and finally found my biological family at 30. But there is much to tell before that.

Anyway, my amazing daughter has a great husband, a beautiful daughter of her own and a handsome son - yep, twins. One of each. Perfect again! And a butt that could stop a 747 according to her husband. We saw the play "Wicked" for her Birthday.

I want to say Happy Birthday jamie. (She spells it with a lower case j, lest you think it is a typo twice.) There are 3,789,800 Americans turning the big 3-0 this year but you are the strongest, most honest, loving, incredible one of them all, and a great mother in spite of your young role model. I want you to know that you make me proud. You have a heart, brains and courage. (and a wicked butt or did I already mention that?)

Thursday's Child has far to go.

In popular culture, there is a little rhyme that says:
Monday's child is fair of face;
Tuesday's child is full of grace;
Wednesday's child is full of woe;
Thursday's child has far to go;
Friday's child is loving and giving;
and so on....

My M, T, W Thursdays and F for the past 30 years have been filled with working at least one and sometimes 2 jobs, going to school finally getting my degree the same year my daughter did, raising my 4 kids by myself and trying to keep my head above water. My last 3 years, my Thursdays have been filled with one precious day a week of sleeping in past 6:30, having a proper cup of coffee instead of that office crap they call coffee, reading the paper and hanging out with my very lovely young son even if it just means having a real breakfast instead of a Balance bar in the car. During the school year it gives me time to help out in Henry's class and keep up with what is going on with him. I try to do my errands, get my haircut, go to the dentist, clean, do laundry and grocery shop. Much as I hate all the later, it never seems that bad because I am doing it while everyone else is hunched over their computers and phones and spreadsheets. Then in the evenings Henry goes to Dad's. Every Thursday night. And I get to top off my night with a good book, bubble baths, facials and glasses of wine if I want to. I feel like I have earned this guilty pleasure and I have even taken the pay cut and tightened my belt accordingly. Today I was informed that I am about to lose my Thursday's off. Someone in my department quit and we have a hiring freeze and I have to come back to work on Thursday or RESIGN. After 9 years with this company. A company that employs over 153,000. A company that just announced they are going to open a technology facility in India. Today, this Thursday, I am grieving. I am going to have 3 glasses of wine instead of 2. I am going to try to gracefully embrace my new fucking work week. But THIS Thursday I have far to go!