I don't write 'em...But I AM a giver.

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender.

The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, bio mimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and sexual proclivities.

The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool." He decides to test the robot.

He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responds, "about a 100."

Immediately the robot starts talking, but this time, about football, NASCAR, baseball, super models, favorite fast foods, guns, and women's breasts.

Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test.

He heads out and returns, the robot serves him and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "Er, 50, I think."

And the robot says...real slowly,

"So... ya gonna vote Republican again?"

Crank Dat Soulja Boy

A little entertainment while I am gone.

On Spring Break...

I am off to this place for Spring Break. To see Old Lover. Google. Wow.
I bet I will have lots to report in a week or so. :-)
Stay tuned.

Merlin or Moses?

I was talking to Cheri the other day about how much I crave, hoard and need INFORMATION. I have a very strong investigational nature. I love learning stuff. I am constantly Googling people, looking up things, being nosy. I found both sides of my entire biological family with my relentless researching. Even the ones who were not named on any official document and may not have wanted to be found (but were wonderful when they were.)

Cheri being the (Merlin or Moses) distiller of wisdom that she is, said, "It's no wonder you crave information. Do you suppose that is because you had your CORE information taken away at birth?" I had never thought of it that way and it certainly explains a lot. I probably am who I am a lot because of that.

On that note, here is one of my favorite quotes/excerpts from: - The Once and Future King, by T.H. White

Merlin, an unusual teacher, tries to help young Wart/Arthur cope with frustration and sadness, one of Merlyn's responsibilities for raising the boy who is destined to become the future King of England.

"The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then - to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn."

I ask you dear readers, who or what made you who you are today?

Wordless Wednesday

Electronic-free Saturday Challenge!

This past Saturday, Henry and I declared an electronics-free day. At first we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Deviating from the usual routine of TV, computer, video games and more TV was not easy for us nerds.

Our first clue that it was time to get out, was the dog standing at the door with his leash in his mouth… Walk? Walk. Walk! Walk!! We took the hint and went out for a long hike, taking turns lifting 5 pound weights and picking flowers.

On the way back from our hike Henry asked if we could stop at our elderly widower neighbors house "in case she was lonely." He stuck his fistful of flowers at Mrs. D when she answered the door and she started to cry. So he hugged her and we stayed to visit for a long time. I am sure he would have rather been home playing Guitar Hero for the Wii but he decided to stay and visit so she wouldn't be sad. After that we baked bread, and cleaned the house. Henry helped.

Then he read Calvin and Hobbes before milking the cows and going to bed. Just kidding about the cows, I was seeing if you were still paying attention. Anyway. I highly recommend it.
CHALLENGE: Do a completely electronics free day with your kids and report back on how it went.

Thank you for visiting.

So many of you really great friends of Choosing my Own and Blog this Mom have been dropping by lately and I just wanted you all to know that I appreciate you, and I will be stopping by your blogs this week. In the meantime, here's a here's a little entertainment for you in honor of today.

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of course," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.

The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.

Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man.
"I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks:
"What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man.
"I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the first man says.
"I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
"What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again."

(WITH APOLOGIES TO ALL YOU MOTHER'S OF TWINS)

Show and Tell Saturday.

Tagged by jamie (my daughter) at choosing my own... I am dumping and photographing the contents of my purse. I thought this would be an easy post because I carry a small purse. But I guess I am better at cramming 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag than I thought I was.

My red purse. Matches my red car...


...with a side pocket that fits my beloved iPhone perfectly. The spot designed for a non iPhone fits the headphones perfectly.


In addition to an iPhone I have to have an iPod.
So I can iListen to Oprah and A New Earth while on the iMove.


A stack of cards collected from people I have met this week in my attempt to network. THIS card was the prettiest. It had glitter and a little crystal hand-applied to it. She pays a fortune for these cards but I think they are well worth it.



This is all the crap that was at the bottom of my purse and includes the mandatory vanity items: toothpicks, comb, mirror and hairband. Normally there is a lipstick or two - hey where is my lipstick anyway? I also carry a spare iron pill in case I am feeling especially anemic. Oh look, an assortment of sanitizing hand wipes and a great purse hanger. The hanger is there because of something I saw on Oprah about how many deadly germs are on the bottom of the purses we set on floors and then thoughtlessly set on our kitchen counters. (Shameless plug: I also sell these cute purse hangers so if you want to keep your children safe from the salmonella, you need one of these! Email me.)


Sunglasses that I bought in Taiwan when I forgot mine at home in my hurry to dash out of the country.


A real hankie (heavily used) because I was at a funeral for a girlfriend who died of breast cancer last week (at 39 with 2 young daughters.) Go get your mammograms ladies!


A cute little card holder/wallet that is jammed full of all the stupid membership cards we are required to carry nowadays so we don't get gouged at our local store (and they can beef up their mailing lists to send me coupons for stuff they think I want but I really don't.)
P.S. I swear there is only one credit card in there (in case my father, or financial Nazi son-in-law is reading this.)


And finally, mixed in the change was a 2 Euro coin.
I am keeping it to help pay for groceries next week when the dollar is so deflated it's only worth 33 cents and this 2 Euro coin is worth, like $33 dollars.

One Inch Tall Poem - By Henry W.

If I were the size of a germ,
I could ride a worm,
I would take a year to read a book,
I would need a mini chef hat to cook,
I would need to grow to catch a crook,
If I were the size of a germ.

LUCKY ME!

Today I went to jamie's blog and found this: Letter to my Dead Grandmother a letter that my daughter wrote to my biological mother who gave me up for adoption in the 1950's. I wrote a little blog entry in 2006 about my birth mother's stay at "Watermelon Hill" but Jamie's words eclipse mine.

The good genes were definitely passed on, and I am so grateful and blessed to have a daughter with this kind of spirit, and a mother who must have too.


Watermelon Hill
by Linda Back McKay (Used by permission, from Ride That Full Tilt Boogie.)

Close the door and never look back.
This is finished for you now.
-Sister Marie Dolores

After she got herself in trouble, they sent her
away to Watermelon Hill, which was not really
its name, but what the boys yelled to the swollen girls
who were to come due at that home for unwed mothers.
A crucifix glared from the roof.
Laurel Taylor was not her real name.
What was real was absolved by Mother
Superior with a flap of her cloak.
Under the Immaculate Heart of Mary
was posted a litany of daily chores.
Miles of buffed linoleum, bars on the windows,
Doctor Crutchfield on Wednesdays, jelly jars
filled with vitamins. The tables were set for forty
or so, depending on who was in labor.
The tuna casseroles smelled like bleach.
Girls back from the hospital sat on donut pillows.
Days passed and the moon sickened.
Laurel Taylor, on her horrible cot with the stars
burning inside her, tried to pray.
It was best to give up your baby, not see or hold it.
It was best to give up your baby, make a plan for it.
Laurel Taylor tried to pray in the chapel,
her cardigan sweater open like a gate.
She fought to be good, to give her blood to some
nice family, to cleanse a child from her name.
Laurel Taylor tried to keep the monsters away
but under some god’s baleful eye, they rose
in a spine-cramping pain that was only the start
of the tearing off.
She lost her son in that war. Wading in water,
being able to see her feet again, she knew there would be
no anointing, no Extreme Unction.
after signing the surrender, she knew
the penance is fault and the loss is eternal.

For Tom: Because he likes pantsuits so much!

Montezuma's Revenge

I am so lucky to be Henry's Mum.
Tonight I have been ordered to sit outside the bathroom door while he reads the entire script from the play he is in (in May) from upon his "throne." He is playing all the characters and singing all the songs while he's pooping.

This is a kid who likes to practice behind closed bathroom doors.
He used to make me sit outside the door while he sang/practiced his numbers in Spanish when he was in Kindergarten and for lots of other things since. Something about pooping and singing behind a door must make him feel safe/brave. It's like singing in the shower or the car when you are alone. You know you do it. Anyway, I have been sitting here for 15 minutes, typing this on my phone for posting later (now). We are on scene 2. There are 7 scenes and 7 songs to this play and he is insisting on doing everyone's lines and singing all the songs.

Who else, but another Mom could appreciate how happy I am that I am sitting on a little step stool outside the bathroom door for ages while my little one poops and practices his lines.

LIFE IS SO GOOD! It really is. (Thankfully he came out of the bathroom to finish!)
What weird things have you done to make your kid happy?

Wordless Wednesday - 9 days. Almost Done.

Day 8 - The contractor is STILL here.

The good news is there will be no cooking in my kitchen tonight.


The bad news is, my wine is sealed behind a plastic tarp.


and the contractor was clearly born in a barn.

What's in a name?

Reading Cheri's blog today, gave me an excuse inspiration to blog about the stories behind my children's names. I wouldn't say that these stories are all that interesting but it's an easy story to tell and I am already one day behind on my NaBloPoMo agreement so here I go.

/j(a)-mie-DAWN: (said properly-with a twang)
I think I have apologized over the years to you, but if I haven’t I offer an apology and an explanation now.

"Honey, please understand, it was the 70’s. I didn’t choose your name. I tried to suggest Dharma Star or Rainbow Joplin but I was sadly over-ruled."

Jamie, was her father's idea and Dawn was her Podunk Tennesee Grandma's idea. I was absolutely certain that I was having a boy and his name was going to be Dylan Thomas or Ziggy Freedom anyway. She probably is really horrified thrilled as she reads this, because I have now published her middle name on the world wide web.

Sidenote: I found out after she was born and named and birth certificates and SSN’s were issued that Jamie was the name of her father’s previous girlfriend. The first girl he ever kissed. Nice.

ANTHONY RICHARD and BRANDON MICHAEL:
I was having twins and because I did not choose to find out the sex of any of my children ahead of time, I had to think of 80’s appropriate girl/girl, girl/boy, and boy/boy first and middle name combinations. That was pretty hard for me.

Baby A and Baby B (which is how they are named in the delivery room) became Baby Anthony. I was pushing for Adam Ant and Boy George, but once again, OVER-RULED. Baby B was nameless until they told me I couldn't leave that hospital until he had a name. He became Brandon. That was the name of one of Erica Cane's hunky soap opera husbands, whom I was madly in love with at the time. The middle names were those of their completely disconnected, inattentive godfathers.

HENRY TANNER:
Now, Henry was a name I have always loved (it was my Dad’s middle name) I was pretty absolutely sure I wasn’t having any more children in the new millennium, so we named our beloved chihuahua Henry instead.

Well, the miracle boy came along anyway, and since Henry the chihuahua had been squished by a truck gone over the rainbow bridge many years before, Henry the boy got the much beloved recycled name. I let his teenage brothers choose his middle name. It was a totally rad, California surfer name and I said it was just fine with me as long as his father didn’t complain wring my neck. Actually, this was a trick way to get them invested in their little brother early, so they would help change diapers, but I think Henry likes Tanner, so it worked out.

Henry was going to be a Megan Rylee or Riley if he had been a girl. I am glad he wasn’t, because /j(a)-mie-DAWN already had her eye on Rylee for her own future daughter name. I rooked her out of a cooler name for herself, so I am glad I didn’t swipe her girl baby name too.

Maybe that is why on her blog, she calls herself just jamie. She really didn’t want the world to know her middle name is DAWN. Oops.

From: The Pill Versus the Springhill Mine Disaster by Richard Brautigan

KARMA REPAIR KIT: ITEMS 1-4

1. Get enough food to eat, And eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.

4.

Four is my favorite. I am going to go do that right now.
What does your Karma repair kit consist of?