Man Down.
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Someone
recently shared the statement with me, that you are only as happy as your
unhappiest child. Can that be true? That seems stupid, and co-dependant to me. How
about... You are as happy, if not happier, as your happiest child?
Well I am the
mother of a sad teen. People, I will tell you, this world is HARD on teens. Teens
are, frequently, very, very sad. Oh my god, are they sad.
Lately, I am
sad, too. I am surprised by just how sad I am, when my son is sad. Sad is like
happy: simple words for un-simple emotions. To say I hurt because my children
are hurting is like saying the ocean is big. Words fail me. Words have failed
me all year. My son is struggling with sorrows beyond bearing. I am sure he
thinks he won't ever be happy again. He has genuine struggles. Sometimes even I feel hopeless but I have lived long enough that I know it
isn't true. But right now? It feels true to him.
I have spent
sleepless nights weeping into my pillow. The dumb, ridiculous phrase came
into my head in the middle of the night and I thought, "I AM only as happy
as my unhappiest child." And I rose from bed, walked to the
kitchen, and (metaphorically) slammed my head, repeatedly, in the cupboard door. The one the I keep the saké in. I am
stronger than this. I got back into bed and used my aching head
to form intelligent, well reasoned arguments against the cliche'. I
sorted out all the reasons why a semi-intelligent adult could still live a
happy, fulfilled life while sympathizing with her struggling son. Happy adult to
the right, sad teen to the left.
I wish
it worked. I almost talked myself into it. I know
the difference between sympathy and empathy. I embrace the idea that the
cornerstone of good parenting is stability. I know that my child's successes
and failures are not MY successes and failures. But this year is different.
This year my son is sad. This year I am sad, too. This year I understand the
statement.
