What is all this toilet talk?

Lately all my favorite bloggers (you know who you are) have been spending an awful lot of time talking about pee and toilets and such... and here is what I have to say about that...

From The Ultimate Guide to Feng Shui:

The bathroom and toilet are primarily governed by and driven by the element Water. (Duh.) In Feng Shui, Water is associated with wealth, prosperity, career and good cash flow. (Really?) Secondly, the function of these rooms is associated with elimination and waste. (Duh again.) With these two considerations in mind, MEN can help counteract cash and opportunities being flushed away, by putting the friggin seat down or if they are very well trained - sitting down to pee like civilized people.

And I intend to make it very clear to "Recycle man" (see previous blog) that when he comes for a visit 3 weeks from now... he better sit or git!

Henry introduces spill proof packaging!

Give it a sec to load... and the music runs longer than the video. This video was submitted by a designer (Gabriella Nourse) who designed new packaging for Welches. It's old but I think it's cute. Shake it up!

The best day of our lives!

Tonight because I could not have said it better and I have not been able to stop laughing long enough to write anything, I urge you to visit Cheri's blog about our day at the Fair.
http://blogthismom.blogspot.com/

State fair faces...

Have you noticed how sad and hardened Carnie faces look? It seems to me that they harbor some sort of rage that may originate from the fact that they have very few teeth, live in filth, must put up with constant ridicule and can only fend for themselves behind a cage/booth or in large packs.

All I can say tonight dear blog -because I am dead tired and I have "Fair hands, feet and teeth" is that, after thinking about it, I am sorry I called my ex-husband's current girlfriend "carnie-faced" because she is not. She is more "ex-meth-addict-faced" really.

Back again tonight my second night as a blogger.

Here I am and I made it through the night. I actually drempt that lots of people were reading my blog and I fretted about having to edit it, so I wouldn't look too mean or stupid or dark or happy or thoughtless or.... whatever. I am not a writer, but I have always been a blogger - in my mind. Mostly in the shower I'd say. The problem was until I took the plunge yesterday, I have never actually written anything down... all my brilliant shower thoughts - scribbled with a soapy finger on the glass - were rinsed down the drain and forgotten by the time the water got cold. Wonder what wll come of this?

I must admit this blogging thing is already becoming a love hate relationship – blogging is time intensive. It’s also… quite exposed. For instance today I am pissed off that Sociopath #3 missed his own son's graduation but cancelled his parenting time tomorrow, to go to meth-face French Canadian girlfriends son's graduation (who she lost custody of.) What the ??? Should I even talk about it? As usual, I will do what I can to make it up to our son, with a fabulous day of candied apples and carnival rides and hanging out with incredible friends. Oyyy, anyways, TANGENT!!! See what I mean about being mean - and exposed.

Really I just wanted to say that after huddling against the helicopters and imagined escaped convicts of last night, I woke up this morning to a sunny warm day, a beautiful smiling boy and a sweet little kitten who was thoughtfully cleaning the sleep out of the dogs eye .... not a bad day afterall.

Helicopters flyin round my head.

This has been a really noisy night. There have been helicopters circling in tight little circles 'round MY house all evening. This really creeps me out. What are they looking for? An escaped convict? I half expect the phone to ring and the caller to inquire "Are you alone???" Ewww. I am freaking myself out.

I quickly locked all the doors and closed the drapes and got Henry, the dog, cat , a BIG flashlight and a fireplace tool. Now everyone is all piled in my bed. Together! That feels better. Everyone within reach! NOW I can go to bed and sleep. All is right(er) with the world... well my world at least. The little world in my room. As long as no one cuts the powerlines... we'll be good. If there is not a new blog tomorrow...You'll know Mrs. W did it in the bedroom with a poker...

The I Married a Monster Show - Season 6 or 7. I forget.

Conversation at the front door with ex-husband who rarely gives me the time of day.

F: Hello lovey. Your hair looks really fantastic today. (BEST POSH LONDON ACCENT) Could you do me a huge favor?

T: YEAH I guess. What is it? (EYES NARROWING)

F: Can you make me a website and a nice flyer next week? (SWEET SMILE)

T: YEAH I guess. Why? (BRACING MYSELF)

F: Well... that crazy bitch just laid me off. (HEADING TIPPING PATHETICALLY TO THE SIDE LIKE A KICKED PUPPY)

T: Oh my gawd. Sorry. (SHIT. FUCK. LOST YOUR JOB AGAIN? WHAT DID YOU DO THIS TIME?)

F: Thanks lovey. I'll call ya next week. I will need it right away!! (YEAH AND I WILL NEED HENRY'S TUITION CHECK RIGHT AWAY TOO)

(QUICK EMAIL TO HIS FORMER BEST FRIEND IN L.A>)

T: Hey...guess what?

LA: Ahh, Frank lost his job again?

T: Yeah, how did you know?

LA: You haven't noticed the pattern YET?

T: Yeah, I guess I sort of knew something was about to happen. He HAS been a little nicer lately.

LA: Whadya know... a change in demeanor leading to bad news and a request for help. So very him.
Wonder what he did this time?
Punch someone?
Steal something?
Tell a fantastic lie about having to rush off to England for a fake emergency?

T: Yeah. Oh man. I feel stupid.

LA: Don't you know by now, to watch out for his big soften up?
You shoulda known when he offered YOU such a "great deal" on the FREE sofa he got, that bad news was just around the corner. Better brace yourself for the inevitable.. "Sorry love I can't afford my half of the tuition or child support for a while" (AGAIN!?)

T: Right. (CRAP, SHIT, FUCK.)

LA: There could be a bright side... if he can't find a job, maybe he will move back to England or Texas or L.A.

T: SMILE BRIGHTENING SLIGHTLY. Well I guess we can hope...

(SHIT CRAP FUCK)